Executive summary of the official investigation into FooBar project of BazQuux Corp.

On February 3, 2020, BazQuux Corp. was the subject of a data breach that affected a number of high-profile individuals in the United States. An official Congressional investigation of the project began on May 3rd, 2020.

This is the executive summary of the 103 page report looking into and detailing the failure of FooBar, a high-profile engineering project at BazQuux Corp. The project lasted a number of years (though no one knows exactly how many due to a data migration issue in the project management system that happened at some point after the project had started) and cost some large amount of money (again, no one knows for certain). It is known, however, that FooBar never worked and was possibly even the cause of the data breach which is the inciting factor for this investigation.

What was most puzzling about this project, for the investigators, was just how popular FooBar was with management BazQuux Corporation, even though it was known to many FooBar engineers as being little better than a PR scam with some confusing data visualizations. Despite that, many engineers wanted to work on FooBar because of the chance to work with a certain tech-industry visionary. It later came to light that this visionary was a cat, and that the engineers who worked with it were not at liberty to speak freely about their work or that the visionary was a cat.

In brief, the FooBar project failed due to a number of key causes, most notably that key members of the team (including the head of the department) were revealed to be cats. According to documents obtained by federal subpoena, at one time, 15% of the engineers working on FooBar were cats. In additional to questionable hires, a culture of fear and confusion kept most engineers from speaking openly to try to find out what they were supposed to be building. Most importantly, once it became clear to senior management just how far off FooBar project was from ever being completed, it was deemed more important to try to conceal the disaster from the public rather than to fix it and build FooBar.

It is this committee’s recommendation that there be greater federal oversight into key projects that affect the public’s well-being and might also involve cat abuse.