I don't know if my succulents are dying

I have three succulents that live in a goldfish bowl.

This goldfish bowl has killed almost every plant in it since the bowl came into my ownership. I’ve watched each one slowly die in it, totally mystified as to why it was happening. Does it need more water? Less water? More sun? Less … soil? (I don’t know much about plants.)

I thought maybe the soil was poisonous, so I emptied it out and gave the goldfish bowl fresh, store-bought soil, complete with some rocks at the bottom for drainage. I put into it its three current residents, and I think I’m currently watching all of them slowly die.

The thing is, it’s really hard to tell if a succulent is dying. A succulent does everything slowly. It drinks slowly, eats slowly, grows slowly, and dies slowly. The only clue is that sometimes the leaves fall off. Before that, it may seem like nothing is happening, and then all of the sudden, bang! In the course of a week, a whole leaf is gone. These are very small succulents, so each leaf is important.

So, I don’t know if the plants are dying or not. But, regardless of whether or not they are doomed, the plants continue to try to grow. This is the plant’s curse: that it can’t help but live. Even mired in poisonous goldfish bowl soil, it still sends forth tiny promises of new leaves that will never reach adult size.

People are like that too, I think. We can’t help but live.

Most likely, there will be no end of the world. Life may get much worse, either slowly or quickly. And then, we’ll have to figure out how to continue to live. We can’t help it.