Comparing apples and oranges

Apples have a white flesh. Rather, it might be off-white. Perhaps, egg shell. Occassionally yellowy. The flesh of the fruit sits beneath the peel.

Oranges also have peels, but they do not have flesh. They are a fleshless fruit. Rather, their interior is made of segments of segments of tiny fruit juice sacs. Perhaps you have picked them apart yourself and found the long thin fruit balloons and eaten them one by one, or squeezed them and watched the juice gush out and gotten your hands sticky. Each miniature segment is bundled like muscle into a larger segment which is protected by membrane. Oranges are lousy with membranes.

Apples feature prominently in popular culture. They are associated with the deep wickedness of humanity, specifically women, on account of that hussie Eve. Snow White, a White virgin, ate a poisoned apple. This blogger has also seen apples from time to time in various advertisements.

Unsurprisingly, the wicked apple is associated witih the United States of America, where it is combined with sugar and cinnammon and baked into a shell of butter and flour. This is apple pie. There is no such thing as orange pie, unless you’re using a bit of orange juice to flavor something like meringue.

As far as citrus desserts go, the orange gets very little love. Where the key lime struts and the lemon basks, the orange sits alone in a corner. Even though it did nothing wrong. Even though it didn’t show humanity for the pit of despair that it is. Poor orange.

If you squeeze an orange, oil will come out of its pores. Oil will not come out of an apple’s pores if you squeeze on it. In this way, the orange is closer to human skin than an apple peel is.

When throwing a similarly sized orange or apple, you will be able to do roughtly the same amount of damage to your opponent (proportional to the force with which the fruit is thrown). An orange, however, is smellier, and the aforementioned oils make it a more worthwhile weapon.

They both grow on trees, but different types, and in different climates.

No apples or oranges known to this blogger have achieved a degree of higher education, neither have any gone on to establish successful personal injury law practices.

If you eat an orange in an office space, you may be killed, or at least put on trial for reckless endangerment. It is safe to eat oranges in offices if you are the only one there, and if you carry the orange peel out with you in secret.

As research for this article, I asked both an orange and an apple to clean the shower. Neither of them responded, nor completed the task. The shower is still dirty.

Apples, though they have flesh, do not have any bones. They do have a core riddled with seeds, and these seeds contain a relatively large amount of arsenic. Do not eat a bushel of apple seeds, as it may be harmful for your health or the health of those around you.

Oranges also have seeds, but they are delicious and can be eaten in abundance.

If you make an orange pie you may be killed. Please bake responsibly.

Conclusion: Oranges are the gentler, less wicked fruit, and are better as a biochemical weapon. Apples are wicked and full of poisoned flesh and as such, are better for making pie.